God doesn't believe in Christmas.

Greetings earthlings!

I was just thinking about the holidays and the lack of extra money I have for them this year.
I can remember a time when I was more than happy to spend hundreds of dollars to indulge in "spreading the holiday cheer".
The age old tradition of putting bills off in late November and early December just so everyone would have some cool stuff to unwrap used to get me SO EXCITED. Having to think about getting everyone a present I could afford without looking like a cheap bastard used to be a welcomed challenge. I remember wrapping all of the presents that I would buy with a feeling of contentment and I would think something like, "Damn, Mark! You did a really good job of balancing your budget and showing people that you care about them this Christmas." I would smile to myself as I envisioned the unadulterated excitement my loved ones would express with a warm hug or a kiss as they held the present I bought them in their lap.

The stress of the holidays became worth it on Dec. 23rd as my shopping came to a close and I got the last minute items to make sure that everyone got a gift from me.

Alas, those days are gone. I have NO MONEY and I am beyond feeling ashamed for not getting anyone a present. The last of my pride was used up as I counted out $4 in change to get enough gasoline to take my kid to the babysitter and get back to work.

My new favorite holiday tradition is to come up with all of the reasons that Christmas is a bunch of bullshit and rationalize tbat my current financial circumstances are possibly a good thing.

REASON #

1) It isn't even Christmas anymore. People rarely take the time to spend one day a year to celebrate the birth of Jesus. It is all about buying stuff, singing corny songs, drinking, having parties, seeing people you would not usually see, and worrying that a kid you have already spoiled has enough useless shit to feel like Santa loves them as much as every other kid.

2) If you have to set aside a special day to celebrate Jesus then you have absolutely no idea how important Jesus was. I celebrate the birth of Jesus every day. (I also celebrate his crucifixion for my sins and his victory over death on my behalf). Think about it. What makes Christmas so special? I really do not think God gives a crap if you celebrate him in December or October. The only people who really care are retailers and people that want other people to buy them shit.

3) Technically, Christmas is a pagan holiday dedicated to Saturn. Saturnalia was a pagan feast celebrated on December 23rd to honor the temple of the "god" Saturn. The early church wanted to compromise with the pagans enough that Christianity would become popular. So we kept their annual celebration the same but changed the god. (Do not forget the statue of Diana and the statue for Lucina the Roman goddess of childbirth were easily transformed into the statue of Mary) This does not sound very Christian to me. Remember THE PAGAN GOD, SATURN, IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON
Think about it. We are doing the same shit that pre-Christian heathens did. We have programs and festivals. We get together and have merriment and gluttony. We share in the materialism and consumerism that our Roman predecessors exhibited.

4) Jesus was born in March or April in 3 B.C. according to most biblical scholars, historians, and theologians. Christian and atheist alike agree that Jesus was born in this time of the year which happens to be one of the harshest weather months in Judea (APRIL) and that December has no relevance to the birth of Christ nor does the 25th day of any month have historical validity as a date of birth for Jesus.

5) The birth of Jesus is not even the most important event in the history of mankind! I will take Easter! Everyone is born. Everyone dies. What seperates the Son of Man from all prophets, rabbis, and holy men. RESURRECTION. This is what proved that Jesus was who he said he was.

Yes, he had to be BORN as a man to be the messiah. Yes, he DIED as an atonement sacrifice for the sins of mankind. BUT THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT IN THE LIFE OF JESUS WAS THE RESURRECTION!! That is the precise moment that Jesus was glorified as the Saviour of mankind. It signalled his defeat of Satan and made certain that death was defeated and that mankind could have eternal life. I tell you what you should do. Freak out all of your friends and family members by not buying any presents, not sending any Christmas cards, or attending any Christmas parties. Act like Christmas did not happen. Do not make excuses for missing anything. Just say something like, "Man, I was just too busy. I could not help it" when you are being interrogated for not attending any Christmas festivities.

BUT ON EASTER....

On Easter morning GO BATSHIT!!

Tell everyone you love them. Donate to charity. Take the money from your Christmas Club account and lavish friends and family with a plethera of gifts. Invite people over for a huge feast and sing hymns and sentimentally tell everyone that its not about the presents. JESUS is the reason for the season!

I promise you that everyone you know will look at you like you are retarded.
(Especially your child who woke up early Christmas morning to see you in your bathrobe watching cartoons and eating cereal instead of waking you up so they could UNWRAP the PRESENTS!!)

I know that some readers of this blog will act like I have blasphemed. They will think of me as the 2nd coming of Ebanezer Scrooge. I can almost hear you. "I cannot believe what he is writing. YOU CANT WRITE CURSE WORDS IN A BLOG ABOUT CHRISTMAS"
Surely, that man is going to HELL!

I got news for you kiddies.
I love Jesus more than anything. Jesus is my hero. Every day in my life I strive to be as close to Jesus as I can be. Nothing would make me happier than being in His presence and glorifying His Holy Name.
EVERY DAY IS CHRISTMAS TO ME.
I am thankful for the gift of salvation as much on June 3rd as I am on December 25th.
I only wish every one saw it that way.
Christmas is in no way Christian. It is PAGAN. IT is COMMERCIAL.
It is secular.
So remember this little pearl of wisdom from the foul mouthed, angry, and eccentric Mr Sunshine.
I am at peace with the fact that I am a piece of dog vomit who is not worthy of the gift of salvation. No one has a greater need for Jesus than me and I KNOW IT. The love and adoration for Christ that fills my heart when I realize that HE DIED for ME is overwhelming.
How bout you?
SO
Enjoy your turkey and eggnog. Go into debt. Max out the credit cards! Indulge those that you love. Give your time and money for the benefit of others. Get together and be joyful and celebrate, but do not worry if you do not have enough money to buy everyone a gift.
Do not be embarrassed if you have no presents. Do not spend money that you do not have and leave your creditors high and dry.
BUT

PLEASE ask yourself ONE QUESTION

AM I CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS?
-OR-
AM I CELEBRATING CHRIST?

The end

*note from the author- I know it is about Jesus but someone could buy me a big screen TV to show how much they appreciate the birth of Jesus. (I would definitely believe it then)
:P