Greetings from Vomitland!

Hello and Good evening my little neophytes.

I have been away from the blog for awhile due to my wife having another baby.

As I have written in a previous blog, the Lord has decided to bless me with girls and my new daughter has been a real treat.

Anneleise is her name and she is 9 pounds of grunts, shit, coos, and lots and lots of breastmilk vomit.

Just today I was lying in bed showing her black and white flashcards (this is hilarious because her eyes get as big as half-dollars) when all of a sudden....

USED BREASTMILK ALL OVER MY ARM!!!

I felt my gorge rise and as I felt a gag creeping up on me and quickly handed her to my wife, Angela The Vomit Queen.

I have nicknamed my daughter "Constant Struggle" because I believe she has not been comfortable in the past two weeks since she made the trek through my wife's vagina.

You put her on her back she wriggles and struggles. You put her on her belly..more struggles.

You sit her up to look at her. STRUGGLERAMA. You lay her cradled in your arm and she wiggles like a fish.

I am convinced that the womb must be like heaven because this kid just cannot get comfortable on the outside.

Oh well. I guess she will learn how to get situated out here sooner or later.

Now, back to the vomit.

This little titsucker breastfeeds roughly every 3o seconds. The moment the nipple comes out of her mouth, her tiny face turns red, her tiny mouth contorts into a grimace, and the all-familiar cacaphony of her cries fill the room.

My wife's nipples look like an ariel shot of New York on Sept 12th.

I cannot forsee a night that my wife and I will sleep through ever again and my darling little angel spits up whenever I enter the room (I am starting to wonder if I smell bad).

So. if you do not hear from me for awhile it is merely because I am covered in curdled breast milk gagging as I do whatever I can to make my little cherub stop crying.

So see ya!

Oh yeah, I guess I should let you see the little titmangler. So look up at the top of the screen.

Warning: Helping your fellow man may result in death.

Hi there my adorable little robots.

I have been thinking a lot about my silly compulsion to help my fellow man. I have this feeling that God would like for me to help others, thus making my life purposeful and meaningful.
I am overwhelmed at times with Christian love and compassion for my fellow man and I would like nothing more than to act as a humble servant to people and then...

SOMEONE WILL DO SOMETHING TO PISS ME OFF!

I have recurring thoughts when this happens:
Why in the hell do I care about anyone, all they care about is themselves?
What is the point in even trying to help people? They are too stupid to help themselves and it is a shame that I am putting forth more effort to help them than they are using to help themselves.
Everyone is eventually going to let me down. I can't count on any of you selfish bastards!
People are so shallow. Their cares are superficial vanities. Why even attempt to connect with someone whose biggest worry is whether or not their favorite singer will win the American Idol season finale or it has been speculated that their favorite Deperate Housewife will be killed off due to a contract dispute.
IDIOTS. I TELL YOU. YOU ARE ALL IDIOTS.

Here I am doing my best to be a valuable resource for people and they spend most of the time praying that I will shut up instead of listening to what I have to say.
What a waste!

This gets me thinking about great men in the history of humanity that wanted to help their fellow man and make the world better.
Martin Luther King Jr. wanted to end the fighting between blacks and whites and bring forth equality for everyone and on April 4th 1968 he was gunned down in Memphis.
John F. Kennedy wanted patriots to pull together and make America the greatest country in the world with compassion and friendship with all the nations in the world and on November 22, 1963 somebody blew his brains out onto the trunk of his convertible.
Jesus Christ wanted to bring the Kindom of Heaven to earth and unite all mankind in love, peace, and harmony in 30 A.D and the people promptly spit on him, mocked him, beat him, tortured him, stabbed him, and killed him.
Abraham Lincoln preserved the greatest country in the world and ended slavery in the United States- MURDERED
John Lennon sang about LOVE and PEACE and implored everyone to be kind to each other and some crazy bastard shot HIM!

Well, my little supergeniuses! Do I detect that you are seeing THE PATTERN.

The moral to this story is simple:
If you dedicate your life to helping others...
Others will repay your kindness by murdering you.

No shit. Some of the most despicable fuckers to ever walk the earth live long lives and continue to suck the soul out of everyone around them. They have no strife. They float on the breeze of life and are (dare I say) regarded in high esteem during their lives.
People lined up to kiss Rockefeller and JP Morgan's asses. They treated them like gods.
THEY WERE THE REASON BEHIND THE GREAT DEPRESSION and there are still buildings and corporations named after them.

I hate to sound negative but...
It seems to me that trying to help people usually gets you a great big, fat boot up your ass.
If you worry about nobody but yourself, walk all over people to get to the top, do absolutely nothing to make the world better than you found it, and are purposefully mean to people, they will kiss your feet.

WEIRD how masochistic people are, huh?\

This makes me think about all of the catchphrases Christians use:
Nobody said Christianity was going to be easy!
I never knew what it was like to be truly hated until I followed Him.
I pick up my cross and die daily!
This sounds like self-righteous melodrama but I actually think that..
It is true.
If the mark of the beast is 666 then the mark of Christ must resemble the tracks that teardrops leave on your face because wanting to be good and helping and loving people almost always ends in pain.

Mr Sunshine says "Screw 'em" and this makes me feel better
Mr Sunshine doesn't take any shit from anybody and YOU are of no consequence to him.

Mr Sunshine can only live on this webpage because in my life..\

I CRUCIFY HIM DAILY.

It is sad that the world strives to do the same to the part of me that inhabits the real world.

Think about that for awhile.

Goodbye!

p.s. Being MR. SUNSHINE is easy. Getting him to shut up...NOW THAT'S HARD!

The end of the whole mess

Hello Sheep.

I was just thinking about the End Times and how we are currently living in them.
People have said, "They have said that these are the end times for the last 2,000 years and nothing has happened yet"!
Then they give you a look like you are a fanatic or roll their eyes or some other facetious behavior that makes you want to punch them in the face.

I realize that people HAVE been prepared for the return of the Messiah pretty much since HE ascended but there were many clues in the Bible that it would not happen in the particular season of our ancestors.
People always allude to a few "blossoming figs" as signs to know when the season draws nigh that past generations could not claim.

1) Israel becoming a state in the 40's was proof perfect that the end of humanity's days on the earth as we know it are coming to an end.
The wandering Jews were told they would have no homeland and that they would be hated wherever they roam until the end of days.
Jews return to Jerusalem/Israel every day and have done so since the Jewish State was established.

2) The writings of Daniel and John's Revelation pointed toward ONE WORLD GOVT. and ONE WORLD CURRENCY. All of these things could not possibly have been conceivable until very recently. With the UN, NATO, THE EU (which started as 10 horns known as the Western European Union), It seems with the current globalist philosophy and technology allowing people of every nation to communicate easily has sped up our evolution toward one world government, one world currency, one world religion, etc...

3) Modern science is showing the possibility of "aliens" being impossible in the classic sense. But science is actually starting to slowly release information about what we do know about encounters with strange beings in space, Roswell, New Mexico, etc... Let's face it...Einstein proved that time and space are related to the degree that a person would age to the point of death in order to travel light years to arrive at earth from a great distance.This shows that one would age 7 years even if they could travel at light speed just to get to the nearest star Alpha Cenauri . We can see far enough into space to know that a being would age hundreds of years just to get to us. So we are left to assume that 'aliens" would be extradimensional lifeforms that appear in our visible 3 dimensions. Interdimensional theory has been proven as a possibility that would explain these "aliens" that people have claimed to see for better than 50 years. M-String theory (which is like Einsteins theory of relativity on steroids) shows that there are at least 10 dimensions and that would mean that there are 7 that humans cannot even conceive because they are beyond our senses. This would explain the appearance of lights or organisms that people see for a split second and then they either rapidly fly away at 1/10 the speed of light without causing a sonic boom or they just appear or disappear. What does this have to do with the end of days? Good question. It is now possible to prove with science how fallen angels (aliens) would be able to persecute God's people (remember apollyon or abaddon?). These creatures are described as having the face of a man, the body of a lion, and the tail of a scorpion. They are to scour the earth at the end of times. Interdimensional theory shows how these spirits could appear from nowhere and that I am just saying that for the first time in history the abominable creatures spoken of in Revelation could actually come to the Earth at a moments notice which woud make the metaphorical and allegorical become quite LITERAL at the end of days.

4) The Bible says that as in the days of Sodom and Gomorrah that debauchery and sorcery would rule. I do not know if you have paid attention but the immorality of the current generations sounds like the times of Sodom. Abortion, rape, murder, godlessness, lawlessness, riots, famine, pestilence, poverty, moral bankruptcy worldwide. The stink of our sinfulness and disobedience to God's wishes must make him gag when it fills His nostrils

Anyway, I cannot be the only person who sees just how close we are to the return of Christ.

The sad fact is... very few really care. They are too involved in their immorality and self-centeredness that they cannot even take the time to wonder if they are worthy.

It is for this reason that I have created Mr. Sunshine and the reason why I let so much bother me.
People make me sick.
Like mindless and soulless miscreants, most of humanity trudge through their days with very little empathy for others.
We have become a race of sickening and disobedient slaves to self pleasure.
Who gives a shit as long as I FEEL GOOD?
So long as I AM HAPPY everybody else can fend for themselves
Screw the poor. Screw the meek. Who gives a rat's ass about the oppressed.
That is the mantra of this vile generation.

Only those with wisdom see the end to the whole mess coming at breakneck speed.
THe compassionate, the poor, the downtrodden, the MORAL MINORITY.
The lovers of God not lovers of man, money, lust, and blood.
You will know them by the tracks the tears have left on their faces.

Which one are you?

the end

God doesn't believe in Christmas.

Greetings earthlings!

I was just thinking about the holidays and the lack of extra money I have for them this year.
I can remember a time when I was more than happy to spend hundreds of dollars to indulge in "spreading the holiday cheer".
The age old tradition of putting bills off in late November and early December just so everyone would have some cool stuff to unwrap used to get me SO EXCITED. Having to think about getting everyone a present I could afford without looking like a cheap bastard used to be a welcomed challenge. I remember wrapping all of the presents that I would buy with a feeling of contentment and I would think something like, "Damn, Mark! You did a really good job of balancing your budget and showing people that you care about them this Christmas." I would smile to myself as I envisioned the unadulterated excitement my loved ones would express with a warm hug or a kiss as they held the present I bought them in their lap.

The stress of the holidays became worth it on Dec. 23rd as my shopping came to a close and I got the last minute items to make sure that everyone got a gift from me.

Alas, those days are gone. I have NO MONEY and I am beyond feeling ashamed for not getting anyone a present. The last of my pride was used up as I counted out $4 in change to get enough gasoline to take my kid to the babysitter and get back to work.

My new favorite holiday tradition is to come up with all of the reasons that Christmas is a bunch of bullshit and rationalize tbat my current financial circumstances are possibly a good thing.

REASON #

1) It isn't even Christmas anymore. People rarely take the time to spend one day a year to celebrate the birth of Jesus. It is all about buying stuff, singing corny songs, drinking, having parties, seeing people you would not usually see, and worrying that a kid you have already spoiled has enough useless shit to feel like Santa loves them as much as every other kid.

2) If you have to set aside a special day to celebrate Jesus then you have absolutely no idea how important Jesus was. I celebrate the birth of Jesus every day. (I also celebrate his crucifixion for my sins and his victory over death on my behalf). Think about it. What makes Christmas so special? I really do not think God gives a crap if you celebrate him in December or October. The only people who really care are retailers and people that want other people to buy them shit.

3) Technically, Christmas is a pagan holiday dedicated to Saturn. Saturnalia was a pagan feast celebrated on December 23rd to honor the temple of the "god" Saturn. The early church wanted to compromise with the pagans enough that Christianity would become popular. So we kept their annual celebration the same but changed the god. (Do not forget the statue of Diana and the statue for Lucina the Roman goddess of childbirth were easily transformed into the statue of Mary) This does not sound very Christian to me. Remember THE PAGAN GOD, SATURN, IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON
Think about it. We are doing the same shit that pre-Christian heathens did. We have programs and festivals. We get together and have merriment and gluttony. We share in the materialism and consumerism that our Roman predecessors exhibited.

4) Jesus was born in March or April in 3 B.C. according to most biblical scholars, historians, and theologians. Christian and atheist alike agree that Jesus was born in this time of the year which happens to be one of the harshest weather months in Judea (APRIL) and that December has no relevance to the birth of Christ nor does the 25th day of any month have historical validity as a date of birth for Jesus.

5) The birth of Jesus is not even the most important event in the history of mankind! I will take Easter! Everyone is born. Everyone dies. What seperates the Son of Man from all prophets, rabbis, and holy men. RESURRECTION. This is what proved that Jesus was who he said he was.

Yes, he had to be BORN as a man to be the messiah. Yes, he DIED as an atonement sacrifice for the sins of mankind. BUT THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT IN THE LIFE OF JESUS WAS THE RESURRECTION!! That is the precise moment that Jesus was glorified as the Saviour of mankind. It signalled his defeat of Satan and made certain that death was defeated and that mankind could have eternal life. I tell you what you should do. Freak out all of your friends and family members by not buying any presents, not sending any Christmas cards, or attending any Christmas parties. Act like Christmas did not happen. Do not make excuses for missing anything. Just say something like, "Man, I was just too busy. I could not help it" when you are being interrogated for not attending any Christmas festivities.

BUT ON EASTER....

On Easter morning GO BATSHIT!!

Tell everyone you love them. Donate to charity. Take the money from your Christmas Club account and lavish friends and family with a plethera of gifts. Invite people over for a huge feast and sing hymns and sentimentally tell everyone that its not about the presents. JESUS is the reason for the season!

I promise you that everyone you know will look at you like you are retarded.
(Especially your child who woke up early Christmas morning to see you in your bathrobe watching cartoons and eating cereal instead of waking you up so they could UNWRAP the PRESENTS!!)

I know that some readers of this blog will act like I have blasphemed. They will think of me as the 2nd coming of Ebanezer Scrooge. I can almost hear you. "I cannot believe what he is writing. YOU CANT WRITE CURSE WORDS IN A BLOG ABOUT CHRISTMAS"
Surely, that man is going to HELL!

I got news for you kiddies.
I love Jesus more than anything. Jesus is my hero. Every day in my life I strive to be as close to Jesus as I can be. Nothing would make me happier than being in His presence and glorifying His Holy Name.
EVERY DAY IS CHRISTMAS TO ME.
I am thankful for the gift of salvation as much on June 3rd as I am on December 25th.
I only wish every one saw it that way.
Christmas is in no way Christian. It is PAGAN. IT is COMMERCIAL.
It is secular.
So remember this little pearl of wisdom from the foul mouthed, angry, and eccentric Mr Sunshine.
I am at peace with the fact that I am a piece of dog vomit who is not worthy of the gift of salvation. No one has a greater need for Jesus than me and I KNOW IT. The love and adoration for Christ that fills my heart when I realize that HE DIED for ME is overwhelming.
How bout you?
SO
Enjoy your turkey and eggnog. Go into debt. Max out the credit cards! Indulge those that you love. Give your time and money for the benefit of others. Get together and be joyful and celebrate, but do not worry if you do not have enough money to buy everyone a gift.
Do not be embarrassed if you have no presents. Do not spend money that you do not have and leave your creditors high and dry.
BUT

PLEASE ask yourself ONE QUESTION

AM I CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS?
-OR-
AM I CELEBRATING CHRIST?

The end

*note from the author- I know it is about Jesus but someone could buy me a big screen TV to show how much they appreciate the birth of Jesus. (I would definitely believe it then)
:P

The Great Depression (21st Century Style)

Ok.
All you hear about in newspapers, TV, and the Internet is that there is this approaching "Great Global Recession" and how the world needs to be rescued from these "TRYING FINANCIAL TIMES"
etc...

I have only one question then:

WHY THE F--K were there streaming lines outside of most department stores on the day after Thanksgiving? It looked like any other "black Friday" to me.

It seems to me that if the current state of the market was in such horrible disarray, then the average consumer would not have any extra money to spend on the shopping day that gets most retailers out of the red and into the black.
From my limited and local perspective, it appears that the American CONSUMER MACHINE is still gulping down oysters like Lewis Carroll's famous walrus.
I cannot even fathom how many heels were clipped by overzealous shopping carts on Friday.

I was not alive in the 1920's but I am pretty sure all the Great Depression stories have nothing to do with canning what little food you can garden for the winter and then running to Macy's because all linens were 25% off the day after Turkey Day.

COME TO THINK OF IT. The only people I know that didn't have ANY money to spare the day after Thanksgiving were people like me.
I find myself wishing that I had the money to play around with that I had in my early twenties.
(this is extremely depressing because I was not a college graduate at the time, and now that I am, I do not have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out).
(I blame this for our tax bracket, the fact that we do not look for public assistance, and the fact that despite the fact that I have a crippling disease I work anyway). This gets me to thinking exactly WHO is being impacted by the current economic Depression.

1) US citizens. (People who were born in the US or naturalized citizens from other nations) Illegal immigrants do not pay taxes but participate in public assistance programs. This is a double whammy because they do not contribute to funding these programs, but get the benefits of them.
2) People who are NOT lazy pieces of shit.(Nurses, construction workers, factory workers, security guards, retail workers, food service workers, public employees, etc...) If you have no desire to work and know how to use the system for your benefit, then the current financial woes should be of little consequence to you. I hold down a full time job and pay $6,000/year for health insurance. ( This does not include copays and deductibles I must hit before it starts to pay 80/20) I pay $600/month for rent (medical bills have ruined my credit so I am forced to rent) My car payment is $375/month (the only luxury item I possess is my SUV) I owe roughly $30,000 in medical bills accrued while I was in college. (I finished college despite getting a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis going into my junior year). ALL of the financial difficulties that I face would have been avoided if I would have done the following:
Dropped out of college
Went on disability (welfare for people who are able-bodied)
Applied for a HUD residence
Applied for food stamps
Applied for Medicaid (thus erasing the medical debt that insures that I will never have money again)
Defaulted on my student loans.
I think you get the idea.

3), People who have achieved the American Dream and became successful. This is the physicians, lawyers, administrators, and small business owners. These are the people who are getting ass raped with a double barrell shotgun. They worked very hard and owe tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans and small business loans so that they could one day afford to live the good life. That is until America becomes Socialist and there is not incentive for NOT being a lazy piece of shit.

Alright.
STOP.

It appears that I have (yet again) went off on a rant.
I guess what I am trying to say is that not EVERYONE is feeling the recession that we currently are caught up in. Just people who have self-respect and initiative.

The middle and lower classes who WORK are the ones feeling it and the NEW- MONEY UPPER CLASS are going to feel it very soon.
Any way you slice it, the poverty line is going to slowly rise and consume the middle class and the lower echelon of the upper class if we do not start REWARDING PEOPLE FOR HARD WORK and PENALIZING PEOPLE FOR USING MINOR HEALTH OR MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS AS AN EXCUSE TO GET OUT OF HOLDING DOWN A JOB.

"I was raised in a poor neighborhood" should no longer be an excuse for applying for public assistance. (They only do it because they can).

In a nutshell, I am saying that we are not in a recession leading toward a depression unless we choose to be.
We are at a crossroads where we must make a decision.
Force people to work with minor disabilities
Force illegal immigrants to LEAVE or NATURALIZE. (This actually will increase our public assistance revenue exponentially without affecting the amount going out because they are already getting it)
Make welfare recepients do SOMETHING or stop the checks from coming in.

It is that easy.


PRODUCE or PERISH.
Which will we choose in quickly approaching 21st Century Depression?
Our answer will decide the fate of the world.

-or-

Body hair will become the new currency and I will finally be RICH :)

Thank Heaven (for little girls).

Hello, loyal readers.


I was just thinking about my tendency to produce female offspring.

I have a 7 year old daughter and my wife is pregnant with yet another human being of the double X chromosome variety.

I realize that being 2 for 2 on the girls is not astronomically improbable, but I find myself wondering if THE BIG GUY UPSTAIRS prefers that I have girls instead of boys.



Every man dreams of his son scoring the winning touchdown in the Super Bowl. I have to say that I would enjoy having a son, but it does not look like I am going to have a boy. So I will give you a list of the things that I enjoy most about being a father to girls.

1) I have never felt so important. My daughter WORSHIPS me. I like being the "good guy". She thinks I am the greatest thing ever. She constantly wants to sit next to me and if my wife uses even the must subtle terse tone, my daughter will quickly make it apparent whose side she is on and say "Be nice to my Daddy!"

2) I do not feel the overwhelming need to be a prick to "make a man out of the boy". With a girl, you feel like you can spoil her rotten and not worry that she may not turn out right. Our expectations for girls are pretty low in this society which makes parenting easier.

3) If she throws like a girl I will not be in the least bit embarrassed.

4) Throughout her life she will provide me an excellent chance to show my virility by scaring the hell out of her boyfriends.

5) Did I mention how great it is to be treated like I am important?

6) Girls tend to take care of you when you get older. They come around alot more and make sure that everything is going well. This will come in very handy when it comes time to decide whether or not I should be put in a nursing home. If I had sons I would be eating tapioca and watching Jeopardy! before you knew what was going on.

7) The "facts of life" speech will be handled by the mother. I will be spared the whole "it is natural to play with yourself" speech or the infamous "sex is something special between two people that is meant to be treasured and not approached lightly"speech. While my wife is going through that, I will catch a Chicago Bears game on Sunday Ticket, scratch my balls, and shout Hallelujah for having all girls.

8) Although girls get in trouble sometimes, I will have fewer school principal calls, requests for bail money, and the other things that young men often bring to the table.

9) My children will not feel the need to "not become my old man". The only thing that a father does to affect his daughter's consciousness is lay the blueprint for what her future husband will be. I am doing my best by holding down a job, taking care of my kids, treating the women in my life with respect, and put family first. If my daughters future husbands do the same, then I have done a great job.

10) I will not be in a hurry to get her out of the house. I cannot forsee a time that I will think "I sure wish the kids were gone". I have no doubt that a son would drive me crazy and that I would throw a party on his 18th birthday more for myself than for him. In the case of my girls, it would not bother me if they wanted to stay forever.

Well I guess that is it.
As much as every man wants to carry on the family name and keep their lineage going through their male children, this does not matter to me and not just because of my silly sounding last name.

goodbye and God bless.

No more dummies! (please?)

I would like to talk about stupid people.
You know who you are.
The kind of people that have their turn signal on for a whole mile.
People that do not know how to coordinate a 4-way stop and just assume that the gods want them to always go first and the other 3 drivers can work it out amongst themselves.
The idiot at the drive thru window that makes you repeat your order ten times and then reads it back to you totally wrong.
The woman who drives 3oMPH in the passing lane and speeds up when you try to go around her.
People who watch sitcoms and think "that Neil Patrick Harris is SO FUNNNY (and believe that he is really banging chicks)
People who take the time to vote for their favorite American Idol. (these people usually JUST LOVE THAT CLAY AIKEN!!!!)
People who actually have a favorite NASCAR driver and think that the other hillbillies are somehow cheating.
People who stand in the middle of the aisle at Walmart looking at something, oblivious to the myriad of shoppers around them (most of these people are obese women wearing stretch pants and an oversized shirt featuring a Looney Tunes character like Tweety or Taz or toothless, dirty men wearing a TSHIRT advertising their favorite NASCAR driver or AFC SOUTH football team.)

You know the people that I am talking about.
These people still call radio stations and request a song and wait to hear it instead of downloading it on a peer to peer network.
These are people that take everything literally. They do not understand sarcasm and take everything at face value.
The people who actually buy into stereotypes about ethnic groups, political parties, and take generalizations as the gospel truth.
People who think a big wall will solve the illegal immigration problem and believe that our presence in Iraq is keeping us safer.
People who think that the Bush presidency MUST BE FISCALLY CONSERVATIVE because they are Republican or that Obama actually gives a sh-- about the middle class because he is a DEMOCRAT.
Wakey Wakey Eggs and Bakey. You are off your nutroll!!

I have seen your ilk and I am tired of it.
So the next time you are arguing about 6 donuts being cheaper than a half dozen or think that Daylight Savings Time actually changes when the sun rises by using our magical clocks that control the sun.
*note I do not even want to start explaining that the sun is static and that the earth rotates causing day and night.
or
the next time you speed around me to beat me to the next red light and then pull off slowly when the light turns green
or
decide to procreate causing further harm to the gene pool.

I would like for you draw yourself a hot bath, pour yourself a drink, and make yourself a toaster strudel underwater. (THIS IS SO COOL IF YOU HAVEN'T TRIED IT!)

*note I am just F--KING with you. Please do not try this it make hurt bad.

*_*